Back to life?

So, I came back to this blog after almost two years, and what did I find? Somewhat inevitably, nearly five thousand spam comments awaiting approval. Most of the utterly mundane workaday kind, but some that went far beyond that, into the realm of brilliance.

Easily the most surreal:

if the buffalo in my head could speak german i would not know a god damm thing. What i do know is that the language of art is out of this world.

Er, quite. There just aren’t enough German speaking buffalo on the internet.

Most pointless complaint ever:

The next time I read a weblog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as significantly as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I really thought youd have something intriguing to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something which you could fix in the event you werent too busy seeking for attention.

Er, welcome to the world. Hilariously, there were many variants on this, with alternative words, which I will reproduce here in my own imitation of machine written spam:

The subsequent|next|following occasion|time someone said|I read|learn a weblog|blog, I hope that|hopefully it doesnt disappoint me as approximately|significantly|considerably|a good deal|a whole lot as this 1|one|brussels. Come on man|I mean|imply|am talking about, I [do] know it was my substitute|option|choice to read|learn, nevertheless|but I in fact thought youd have something|one thing intriguing|attention-grabbing|fascinating to state|say|express. All I hear is [really|usually] a few|bunch of whining about something which you could|may repair|fix really for those who|should you werent too busy on the lookout for|seeking|in search of|looking for attention.

The best telling off:

Ive to say, I dont know if its the clashing colors or the dangerous grammar, however this weblog is hideous! I mean, I dont need to sound like a know-it-all or something, but might you could have possibly put a little bit more effort into this subject. Its really attention-grabbing, however you dont signify it nicely in any respect, man. Anyway, in my language, there usually are not much good supply like this.

I’m not much into clashing colours, but I’d consider it a compliment to seriously be told I’ve used dangerous grammar.

And, in this context, the absolute all time winner, out of many thousands:

I used to have a website that I used to cover this, but it got spammed to death. You seem to be better at keeping out the spammers than I did! Well done!

Irony indeed!